By Karen Kallen-Brown, LPC, TCC Behavioral Health
Like it or not, we’re deep in the digital age and technology is everywhere. Many of our children are spending a lot of time on screens, even when they’re in school. How is this affecting them? How is it impacting our families? How is it influencing our ability to parent our children to help them grow into the healthy, strong, capable adults we all hope they will become?
The truth is that modern technology has developed at a super-fast rate, and we may not have had time to examine it, consider potential benefits and risks, explore how it relates to our values, and to decide when and how to use it. We need to stop and think about whether the status quo, the way it is now, is acceptable. How is technology impacting our children’s development? Is it promoting physical health, strength, and endurance? Is it promoting healthy family and community relationships? Is it supporting healthy brain development? Is it supporting us in teaching our children the important values that make for strong connected individuals, families, and communities? How will Artificial Intelligence impact our children’s developing brains?
Children are born into families because they need adults to care for their physical, emotional, and developmental needs. We know that children’s brains and bodies grow in relationship to their lived experiences: what they see, hear, feel, and do and how they see others respond. The nature of childhood is to test the limits to see how much they can do. When adults (usually parents, along with teachers and other caregivers) set clear limits, children learn to become aware of their actions and develop self-control. When caregivers do not provide this support, children are unlikely to learn how to set healthy limits. They’ll act on impulse based on what feels good in the moment. This puts them at-risk for engaging in dangerous behaviors in online environments, including going to unsafe places on the internet, interacting with unsafe people, or developing habits that interfere with healthy development. The traditional ways of living helped us live in harmony with ourselves, each other, the land and all it provides. We developed knowledge and skills to help us survive when we experienced challenges. If our children are living an unbalanced life, we’ll see it in their behaviors: disrespect, disobedience, ignoring curfews, truancy or poor school performance and/or behaviors. This unbalance may show up as anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicidal ideas, anger, violence, threatening or even criminal behaviors.
If we see any of our children struggling, we have a choice: we can do nothing and see it get worse or we can work together to make a plan for helping them get back on track. This will not be easy! They will not willingly give up freedoms they’re used to. It is the adults’ responsibility to determine whether or not each child can handle the freedoms they’ve been given, or if they need more structure and supervision in order to thrive. In a 2022 survey in the US*, 95% of youths ages 13-17 reported using a social media platform. What is frightening is that more than a third of them reported their use as “almost constantly.” Higher amounts of screen time have been associated with higher rates of depression and anxiety. When screens are allowed in bedrooms, higher levels of sleep problems occur. Poor sleep results in learning, emotional, social, and behavioral difficulties. Engaging in screen time (even television) alone increases isolation and makes it difficult for young people to separate out what is real and what is not. They need adults engaging with them, reinforcing values they support and discussing what is not okay and why it is not when they see it. Ultimately, adults must make decisions about what young people experience.
We know actions that adults can take to protect our children and teens. We know what parenting styles help them grow into healthy adults and which ones aren’t effective. If you know a child or teen that is struggling, TCC Behavioral Health Child & Family Services can work with them and their caregivers (parents, guardians) to restore a healthy family system. We can be reached at 907-459-3800.
Tips For Managing Screen Time
Know What Your Child Is Accessing
Keep an eye on what your children watch & play, and limit any exposure to violence even in cartoons for children under six.
Enjoy Media Together
Our kids crave quality time and attention from us, even when they act like they don’t. Spend quality time together watching their shows and playing their games with them. When you know the kinds of media they are interested in, you can decide whether it is safe or appropriate for them at this time. Find out how they feel when they see aggression. Accept their opinions and show another way: “I wish they learned better ways to settle their disagreements.” Share how this aligns (or doesn’t) with your family’s and community’s values.
Use Parental Controls & Media Ratings
Set permissions on the phones, gaming consoles, televisions and any other technologies that your children use so that your children have to ask and obtain permission from you before watching new shows or playing new games.
Create A Family Media Plan
Many families discover they need a family media plan to help everyone use technology responsibly, rather than letting technology use them. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has a tool that can be used to guide families in developing plans that will help them use technology in ways that support their values and goals for their children. Visit https://www.healthychildren.org/english/fmp/pages/mediaplan.aspx for a sample media plan.
* Vogels, Gelles-watnick, & Massarat, 2022